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Thursday, September 02, 2004

Rehearsal Bloopers:
"Altos and sopranos were divided by the men, whose various parts were sort of sectioned off within that section."
posted at 11:49 PM

Things People Said: Anecdotes of Stupidity:
"While I was watching a football game on TV with my friend and his wife once, a player was knocked out of bounds with considerable force. He plowed right into a technician holding one of those satellite dish-shaped microphones who did not even have time to attempt to avoid the collision. During the replay which showed the technician getting knocked over backwards and doing about three summersaults, his wife replied sarcastically, 'Right, like that little shield was going to protect him!' "
posted at 11:37 PM

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Portsmouth Herald Birth Notices Week Ending May 13th, 2001:
"A son, Larsson Ledger Lugg, to Shelly (Elmer) Lugg and Richard Lugg of Portsmouth. "
posted at 11:56 PM

Portsmouth Herald Birth Notices Week Ending Dec. 16, 2000:
"Oct. 16 -- A daughter, Auden Fairbarren Barbour, to Sarah Brown and Gavin Barbour of Kittery. "
posted at 11:52 PM

Portsmouth Herald Birth Notices Week Ending Jan. 8th, 2000:
"A daughter, Sommer Storm Huntress, was born Oct. 14 to Stephen F. Huntress and Kimberley A. Storm in Newton-Wellesley Hospital. "
posted at 11:50 PM

hearing/loss: "What fresh hell is this?":
"If they say, 'We're just going to dip you in this nice bath of tepid hydrocloric acid and dump in a few electric eels, there's a good girl, it might restore your hearing' I really have no choice but to say 'Okay - as long as it's only tepid, and the electric eels shouldn't last too long at least!'"
posted at 11:10 PM

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Our Options Have Changed - To continue in jargon, press 1. By Evan Eisenberg:
"Note that at any point you may return to the previous menu by hanging up, calling again, and repeating the process until you reach the point just before the point you are at right now. "
posted at 4:06 PM

hearing/loss:
"Now, can you explain to me why I would buy Dairy Queen rather than Burger King, or a Nissan rather than a Honda or Chevrolet, when they won't spend a lousy 300 bucks on a million-dollar ad to acknowledge my existence?"
posted at 2:28 PM

Guardian Unlimited Books | Games | Books games haiku:

Though kidnapped from home
And held at gunpoint, The Scream
Stayed strangely silent.

-Helen Whittaker
posted at 1:05 AM

Monday, August 30, 2004

Natural Car Alarms

"The familiar urban "song" goes like this: 16 siren wails as an introduction, followed by 16 more, in a different pattern. Then eight descending swoops, then two long upward swoops, then what NPR's Rick Karr calls the "European ambulance" sound, like a shrill grunt. Finally, as a coda, a truly annoying staccato of warning tones.

"....Brooklyn artist Nina Katchadourian has a novel solution. With help from the Sculpture Center in Queens, she?s taken three cars and fitted them with a new kind of alarm. Instead of those six annoying electronic tones, her alarms blare bird songs that more or less follow the same sonic pattern.

""They?re all real birds," Katchadourian says of her Natural Car Alarms. "They are all a little bit re-edited so that I could... get this patterning to work. And they are -- like car alarms -- quite loud, quite shrill.""
posted at 1:09 PM

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