INTERNUTS Digest Fri, 31 Oct 1997 Volume 01 : Issue 21 Today's Topics: Top 16 Ironic Celebrity Deaths soda can tabs -- charity or UL? Russian joke Hollerith cards Hollerith cards and more fill in the blank Latin Nitrous oxide abuse and sprinkles in Carmel Bumper Stickers seen in passing.... How to get rid of Jehovah Witnesses, pt.1 How to get rid of Jehovah Witnesses pt.2 college joke Lost JdJ for Fri, 24 Oct 97 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 10:32:12 -0500 (EST) From: JoAnne Schmitz To: lnuts Subject: Top 16 Ironic Celebrity Deaths Message-Id: <199710261532.KAA21269@eclipse.qis.net> The Top 16 Most Ironic Celebrity Deaths 16> Charleton Heston -- Shot by an ape cleaning its semi-automatic "hunting rifle" 15> Pamela Anderson Lee -- Boobytrap 14> Susan Lucci -- Tripped and broke her neck while running up steps to accept Emmy 13> Barry White -- Ambushed by a squad of confused Girl Scout leaders 12> Alanis Morissette -- Killed just after winning the lottery at age 98, in a car accident during a traffic jam on her own rainy wedding day while receiving a prepaid free ride from three women who look just like her but with worse hair. Whoa. 11> Anna Nicole Smith -- Suffocated while working out on a slant board 10> Jenny McCarthy -- Struck by a random thought 9> Marlon Brando -- Choked to death while eating buttered popcorn at 25th anniversary screening of "Last Tango in Paris" 8> Keith Richards -- Natural causes 7> RuPaul -- Prostate cancer 6> Madonna -- Exposure 5> Al Gore -- Dutch Elm disease 4> Keanu Reeves -- Brain tumor 3> Marv Albert -- Hit by Victoria's Secret delivery truck outside of Carpet World 2> Pee Wee Herman -- Died by his own hand and the Number 1 Most Ironic Celebrity Death... 1> Gallagher -- Killed by Smashing Pumpkins [ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ] [ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ] [ To forward or repost, please include this section. ] ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 27 Oct 1997 01:36:35 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: soda can tabs -- charity or UL? Message-Id: <199710270029.TAA17429@eclipse.qis.net> In alt.folklore.urban, on Tue, 14 Oct 1997 12:50:50 -0700, TMOliver wrote: James Linn wrote: > > Lianne McNeil wrote ... > > Dave Garland wrote: > > > m> From: mitcho > > > > > > m> pop-can tabs, which haven't been available in North America in any > > > case > > > m> for the last 20 years? > > > > > > They're available. They're just harder to get off now. The local square dance club was collecting pop can tabs > > for some charity (I don't remember what, now). They said, "remember to bring tabs from home." > > We didn't. > > While there is a legendary aspect attached to it, it is quite possible that > they > actually were collecting for a legitimate charitable purpose. Currently, Anglophile monarchists worldwide are collecting poptabs to fabricate long chains to decorate Westminster Abby for the expected coronation of Charley Trips (the Ill-Served). With the projected cutback of crown allowance/pin money/dole under Labour/leftist/semi-pinko gov't, crown jewels are being pawned, decoration money around the Saxe-Coburg household is drying up, Randy Andy's signed up as sperm donor, Pricess Margaret's become a tourist photographer with a stall at Sutton Hoo, , and Phillip the Ought-to-Remain-Silent has resorted to rinsing out last years long johns, the permanent wearing of which has been necessitated by coal delivery reductions at Buck House brought the closing of the family coal pit near Phtsswully, Cymria. To further economize, along with selling of the Royal Yacht Britannia to a drug-crazed Omani brothel keeper and his crew of catamites, the Saxe Coburgs have announced their intention to set up new vacation digs by taking a sublet on a small caravan parked at a Holiday camp near Burnemouth. Balmoral Castle is being sold to a 'Merkin fundamentalist TV/tent preacher who dabbles in snake handling, speaking in tongues and fondling the sub-adolescents who answer the altar call (without regard for sex, race or ethnicity, sort of an equal-opportunity pederast). Meanwhile, on the night of their high speed demise, Di and Dodey are rumored to have been hurrying to a private screening of the famous Southwestern cinema verite epic "Candy Barr Meets El Burro Gigante" (Blacksox Studios, Villa Acuna, 1954) and the widely circulated early pornscreen efforts of Barbra Striesand, "All of You!" Egyptian affinity for porn notorious since King Farouk's collection (along with rest of the Kinsey archives) passed into the hands of the University of Texas (where it is closely held, protected from the public eye or scrutiny, purely for the enjoyment of degenerate faculty and selectively dpraved graduate students). -- Famous "BigSig" on leave of absence at nearby "FatFarm" seeking substantial shrinkage.... OLIVERSENDS/OPIMMEDIATE ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 27 Oct 1997 01:37:59 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Russian joke Message-Id: <199710270030.TAA17487@eclipse.qis.net> In alt.folklore.urban, on Tue, 21 Oct 1997 19:19:47 GMT, ptomblin@xcski.com (Paul Tomblin) wrote: In a previous article, benw@iona.nospam.please.we'reirish.com said: >I've often been puzzled: what was St. Petersburg *actually* called? I'm >told it went from St. Petersburg to Petrograd to Leningrad, but was it >actually called "St. Petersburg"? Surely not in English ...? Now you've done it. Now I'm going to tell an old Soviet joke: A reporter is interviewing a grizzled old veteran of the Great Patriotic War on May Day. R: Where were you born? V: St. Petersburg. R: Where did you go to school? V: Petrograd. R: Where do you live now? V: Leningrad. R: Where do you want to die? V: St. Petersburg. -- Paul Tomblin (ptomblin@xcski.com) I don't buy from spammers. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:50:30 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Hollerith cards Message-ID: <3457d065.261883663@mailserv.baltsun.com> On Fri, 24 Oct 1997 22:37:34 -0700, in alt.folklore.urban siegman@ee.stanford.edu (AES) wrote: > What Rick was referring to is the fact that many models in the 360 series > actually used special plastic+foil Hollerith cards as ROM. Each card was > inserted into a special reader-slot in the computer. As a result, you > could update this "microcode" by taking blank cards and punching new > "code" into them on a standard card punch. The cards were a translucent > plastic with copper foil patterns on them, and the punches selectively > broke the foil circuitry. I encountered an ancient coin-operated washing machine in the basement laundry room of a Munich apartment house in 1987 in which the wash cycle was selected, not by changing knob settings or punching appropriate buttons, but by choosing the appropriate card from a set of thin stiff metal foil Hollerith cards -- they appeared to be the same dimensions as the usual "IBM cards" -- and inserting it into a kind of card reader on top of the machine, which slowly drew the card through during the machine's operating cycle. I remember a German woman remarking, on seeing it, "Dass ist ein Ur-alt Machine!". ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:50:38 GMT From: jKschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Hollerith cards and more Message-ID: <3458d0ac.261954330@mailserv.baltsun.com> On Sat, 25 Oct 97 07:14:15 GMT, in alt.folklore.urban Robert Billing wrote: In article siegman@ee.stanford.edu "AES" writes: > I encountered an ancient coin-operated washing machine in the basement > laundry room of a Munich apartment house in 1987 in which the wash cycle > was selected, not by changing knob settings or punching appropriate Anyone remember the Hoover Keymatic in the 60's? It had a thing called a keyplate which was a flat plastic block about 4" square and 1/2" thick. It would therefore go in a slot in the machine in 8 orientations. It had notches along each edge that worked switches in the machine to set the cycles to be performed, and was printed on the opposite edge with the name of the cycle. You just turned it around until you saw, for example, "hot wash", put it in the slot and pushed to trigger the machine. -- I am Robert Billing, Christian, inventor, traveller, cook and animal lover, I live near 0:46W 51:22N. http://www.tnglwood.demon.co.uk/ "Bother," said Pooh, "Eeyore, ready two photon torpedoes and lock phasers on the Heffalump, Piglet, meet me in transporter room three" ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:50:45 GMT From: jKschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: fill in the blank Message-ID: <345ef54a.271330302@mailserv.baltsun.com> On Sun, 26 Oct 1997 00:54:50 -0500, in alt.folklore.urban moiner@SPAMMERSio.DIEcom.HORRIBLY (Moiner) wrote: In article <62ta5u$bct@dfw-ixnews6.ix.netcom.com>, Jeremy W. Burgeson wrote: > czetie@nokilli.oracle.com wrote: > >Ben Walsh wrote: > >> ObAFU: There are countless stories about people printing their sample > >> text, of course. I've seen photographs with captions reading "Think up > >> some fucking caption to go in here." > >Done that. 1500 brochures with "insert more marketing waffle here". > Did you actually send them out? We had someone (no longer with the > company) who took text we had written, cleaned it up and sent it out > in a mass mailing (to agencies we knew were getting government money > for services we provided). In a list of services and tests we do, > one of the list elements was "Impedence Boy." The menu at Taj Palace in Austin used to have the following description for the beverage Rooh Afsa (Rose Water): "Needs Description!" ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:50:46 GMT From: jKschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Latin Message-ID: <345ff67c.271635737@mailserv.baltsun.com> On Fri, 24 Oct 1997 13:44:24 GMT, in alt.folklore.urban paraic@antispam.indigo.ie (Paraic O'Donnell) wrote: On Fri, 24 Oct 1997 02:06:33 GMT, calieber@bu.edu (Charles A. Lieberman) wrote: >Bill Bradford has in his .sig: >| Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, >| ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam. > >This indirectly reminds me, does anyone know the origin and/or purpose of the >apparently pseudo-Latin[1] gibberish found in, say, WordPerfect templates, >e.g.: "Lorem Ipsum Dolor" as a name, but I've seen it elsewhere, as the text >of a will in an ad for safe-deposit boxes, say I'm glad you posed this question, Charles, since it necessitated a trip to the Book Bunker in the Wicklow Mountains in quest of a volume of Cicero. I undertook the task in person out of the morbid conviction that, no matter how often I repeated the author and title to the recidivist piss-artist I usually send, he would return with my lavishly illustrated biography of La Cicciolana. The fresh air, I feel, has done me good. The cod Latin text you mention has actually served as a standard dummy text in the printing industry for -- and I don't have the cite for where I read this to hand -- about four hundred years. I remember my source marvelling at the fact that, insignificant variations aside, the text had survived not only centuries of manual typesetting, but also the transition into digi^Wanalogue text-storage. I do remember, however, that -- insofar as it has a source at all -- the text is a mutation of this passage from Cicero's ethics treatise _De Finibus Bonorum et Malorum_: "Neque porro quisquam est qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit..." [There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is pain...] Nowadays, of course, the are well-established *nightclubs* for people who love pain itself, simply because it is pain; in the first century BC, though, this would have been perceived as a reasonable enough observation. ObIdleCuriosity: Has anyone ever come across a character in film or literature named Gloria Mundi (as in "sic transit gloria mundi")? It's always seemed to me to be just asking for it. Paraic "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetaur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum Et harumd und lookum like Greek to me, dereud facilis est er expedit distinct. Nam liber te conscient to factor tum poen legum odioque civiuda. Et tam neque pecun modut est neque nonor et imper ned libidig met, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed ut labore et dolore magna aliquam makes one wonder who would ever read this stuff? Bis nostrud exercitation ullam mmodo consequet. Duis aute in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. At vver eos et accusam dignissum qui blandit est praesent luptatum delenit aigue excepteur sint occae. Et harumd dereud facilis est er expedit distinct. Nam libe soluta nobis eligent optio est congue nihil impedit doming id Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, set eiusmod tempor incidunt et labore et dolore magna aliquam. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerc. Irure dolor in reprehend incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse molestaie cillum. Tia non ob ea soluad incommod quae egen ium improb fugiend. Officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum Et harumd dereud facilis est er expedit distinct. Nam liber te conscient to factor tum poen legum odioque civiuda et tam. Neque pecun modut est neque nonor et imper ned libidig met, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed ut labore et dolore magna aliquam is nostrud exercitation ullam mmodo consequet. Duis aute in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. At vver eos et accusam dignissum qui blandit est praesent. Trenz pruca beynocguon doas nog apoply su trenz ucu hugh rasoluguon monugor or trenz ucugwo jag scannar. Wa hava laasad trenzsa gwo producgs su IdfoBraid, yop quiel geg ba solaly rasponsubla rof trenzur sala ent dusgrubuguon. Offoctivo immoriatoly, hawrgasi pwicos asi sirucor.Thas sirutciun applios tyu thuso itoms ghuso pwicos gosi sirucor in mixent gosi sirucor ic mixent ples cak ontisi sowios uf Zerm hawr rwivos. Unte af phen neige pheings atoot Prexs eis phat eit sakem eit vory gast te Plok peish ba useing phen roxas. Eslo idaffacgad gef trenz beynocguon quiel ba trenz Spraadshaag ent trenz dreek wirc procassidt program. Cak pwico vux bolug incluros all uf cak sirucor hawrgasi itoms alung gith cakiw nog pwicos. Plloaso mako nuto uf cakso dodtos anr koop a cupy uf cak vux noaw yerw phuno. Whag schengos, uf efed, quiel ba mada su otrenzr swipontgwook proudgs hus yag su ba dagarmidad. Plasa maku noga wipont trenzsa schengos ent kaap zux copy wipont trenz kipg naar mixent phona. Cak pwico siructiun ruos nust apoply tyu cak UCU sisulutiun munityuw uw cak UCU-TGU jot scannow. Trens roxas eis ti Plokeing quert loppe eis yop prexs. Piy opher hawers, eit yaggles orn ti sumbloat alohe plok. Su havo loasor cakso tgu pwuructs tyu InfuBwain, ghu gill nug bo suloly sispunsiblo fuw cakiw salo anr ristwibutiun. Hei muk neme eis loppe. Treas em wankeing ont sime ploked peish rof phen sumbloat syug si phat phey gavet peish ta paat ein pheeir sumbloats. Aslu unaffoctor gef cak siructiun gill bo cak spiarshoot anet cak GurGanglo gur pwucossing pwutwam. Ghat dodtos, ig pany, gill bo maro tyu ucakw suftgasi pwuructs hod yot tyubo rotowminor. Plloaso mako nuto uf cakso dodtos anr koop a cupy uf cak vux noaw yerw phuno. Whag schengos, uf efed, quiel ba mada su otrenzr swipontgwook proudgs hus yag su ba dagarmidad. Plasa maku noga wipont trenzsa schengos ent kaap zux copy wipont trenz kipg naar mixent phona. Cak pwico siructiun ruos nust apoply tyu cak UCU sisulutiun munityuw uw cak UCU-TGU jot scannow. Trens roxas eis ti Plokeing quert loppe eis yop prexs. Piy opher hawers, eit yaggles orn ti sumbloat alohe plok. Su havo loasor cakso tgu pwuructs tyu" O'Donnell _________________________________________________________________________ Paraic O'Donnell, paraic@antispam.indigo.ie a.f.u. International Field Office, podonnel@antispam.ngw.qdeck.com Dublin, Ireland. sine_qua_non@hotmail.com "When Prince Sergei Urusov was appointed Governor of Bessarabia in May 1903, the first thing he did was to purchase a guidebook of the area." - Orlando Figes, _A People's Tragedy_. Remove the obvious portions of my addresses to reply. _________________________________________________________________________ ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:50:49 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Nitrous oxide abuse and sprinkles in Carmel Message-ID: <345a1bea.3759971@mail.qis.net> On 28 Oct 1997 09:29:36 -0500, in alt.folklore.urban ikuo@panix.com (Kim Scheinberg) wrote: calieber@bu.edu (Charles A. Lieberman writes >Individuation wrote: >| Actually in Chicago, and here in central illinois, you just have to be 18 >| to purchase them [nitrous whippets]. > >In New York you have to be 18 to buy broad felt-tip pens. Are weird-laws >threads allowed on AFU? ObUL content: Nitrous is readily available in California. Any cooking school will sell it to you, though it's now kept behind the counter, rather than on the shelf. Head shops still sell it. Places that sell baking supplies often carry it. New story. I am in Carmel, California on Sunday in an ice cream parlor. I've noticed that some ice cream shops will only offer sprinkles on ice cream sold in a cup. I suppose it's to avert the occasional disaster of having ice cream fall into the sprinkles container when turning a cone upside-down to dip it. I'm a sprinkles kind of girl, but I'm also a cone kind of girl so I'd long ago developed a solution: Buy the sprinkles separately and dip the cone myself. This conversation occurs: Me: Okay, give me cone with strawberry ice cream Dad: I'll have a cup of vanilla Countergirl (CG) rings it up Me: Also, I'd like to buy a cup of sprinkles CG: Okay, but you can't dip your cone into the sprinkles Dad: Ever? (he says this jokingly, with mock horror) CG: That's right Me: That's fine. I'll take it outside CG: No. You can't do that. I can't sell you sprinkles if I think you're going to do that Me: Excuse me? I can't do this *outside* your establishment? CG: No. It's a law in Carmel. In fact, we couldn't even sell sprinkles until very recently. The Good Citizens of Carmel think it makes too much of a mess on the sidewalk Me: Okay. Just so I have this straight. There is a law in Carmel that prohibits putting sprinkles on ice cream cones? CG: Yes. That's correct. I can give you sprinkles for your dad's cup but I can't sell them to you for your cone. Dipping is unlawful Anyone know Clint Eastwood[1] or know anyone who does? kim "little dipper" scheinberg [1] Mr Make My Day was, some years back, the Mayor of Carmel Oh. While I'm here... anyone know the etymology of 'jimmies'? ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:50:52 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Bumper Stickers seen in passing.... Message-ID: <3464316a.9264916@mail.qis.net> On Mon, 27 Oct 1997 10:33:22 -0800, in rec.humor vfasone@king.cts.com wrote: Some of Muphy's Laws of Combat 1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. 4. The easy way is always mined. 5. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. 6. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. 7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: 1. When you're ready for them. 2. When you're not ready for them. 8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at. 9. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. 10. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. 11. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you. 12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. 13. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. 14. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid. 15. When in doubt empty the magazine. 16. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you. 17. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing. 18. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out. 19. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. 20. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. 21. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything. 22. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small. 23. Five second fuses only last three seconds. 24. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:50:54 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: How to get rid of Jehovah Witnesses, pt.1 Message-ID: <34633152.9241080@mail.qis.net> On 23 Oct 1997 00:31:01 GMT, in rec.humor joelkap@aztec.asu.edu (JOEL KAPLAN) wrote: Method #365: Get a used bible free from any church. Then take a knife to the inside pages and hollow out a round or square area, big enough to hide a small water balloon. Fill a balloon with some water and ammonia (ammonia first, then water from the tap) and place it inside the bible. When the Jehwits knock, take your bible to the door. Give them the bible and say, "I want you to look up a passage in my bible." They'll open the bible, the balloon will fall out and burst at their feet, raising an awful stench. Then say, "Thou hast the smell of the devil about thee." And shut the door. Then don't open it again until they are long gone. -- ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:50:56 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: How to get rid of Jehovah Witnesses pt.2 Message-ID: <3465317c.9283204@mail.qis.net> On 23 Oct 1997 00:23:14 GMT, in rec.humor joelkap@aztec.asu.edu (JOEL KAPLAN) wrote: This trick is guaranteed to make any Jehwit run from your door: Go to a war surplus store or spyumaster headquarters and ask for their dummy grenades. Some gun shops carry these grenades as well. When the Jehwits knock, grab the granade and open the door. Before they can say anything, yell out, "Fire in the hole!!!" and throw the grenade at their feet. Their eyes will bug out and then so will their feet. P.S. You have to yell, toss the grenade, and then quickly slam the door to yield maximum effect. The Jehwits will figure - hey, it just MIGHT be a real grenade! -- ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:50:57 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: college joke Message-ID: <346637f9.10944251@mail.qis.net> On 24 Oct 1997 07:39:08 GMT, in rec.humor "Brian" wrote: At the start off the school year, the dean of the college announced that any men caught in the women's dorm or any women caught in the men's dorm would be fined $50.00 the first time, $100.00 the second time, $200.00 the third time and so on. "Any questions?" the dean asked. A guy stood up and said "uh, yea... how much for a season pass?" ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:51:03 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Lost JdJ for Fri, 24 Oct 97 Message-ID: <34673837.11006092@mail.qis.net> On Fri, 24 Oct 1997 04:49:59 -0500, in rec.humor Manly Matt Schulman wrote: A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life. The old man says, "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started screwing the sheep. It was a lot of fun!" The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story. The old man said, "Well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, screwed the neighbor's wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!" The reporter, feeling frustrated, told the old man that he couldn't write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any dramatic or sad memories that he could talk about. The old man paused a little and with a sad expression on his face said, "Well, one time I was lost ..." » Thanks to the JokeJones « -- These words of wisdom from "Manly" Matt Schulman [manlymat@bcscom.com] ---------------------------- To reply, please remove the obvious addition from my address ------------------------------ End of INTERNUTS Digest V01 Issue #21 *************************************