INTERNUTS Digest Tue, 11 Nov 1997 Volume 01 : Issue 37 Today's Topics: Who's the smartest... (fwd) Adoring the Bride (fwd) Name Game - High School Reunion new baby ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 22:43:35 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Who's the smartest... Message-ID: <347d8045.429260429@mail.clark.net> On Thu, 06 Nov 1997 15:44:38 -0500, in rec.humor "J.S." wrote: A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God." The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?" The rabbi replies, "No... I think I'll just wait for the police." ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 22:43:36 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: (fwd) Adoring the Bride Message-ID: <347e81c7.429646847@mail.clark.net> On Fri, 07 Nov 1997 12:14:35 -0800, in rec.humor Brent & Deb wrote: You know, I do occassionally have an actual opportunity to have a conversation with my beloved. And whenever I do, I always try to remember to go out of my way to reaffirm my feelings for (in the off-hand hope that she might reaffirm hers for me, and thus asuage my delicate male ego). Well, as luck would have it, I was speaking to her just today, and I had decided that the talk-to-you-later-love-you-bye I'd been using had been just beaten into the ground, so I said "and I just adore you". And she said ``WHAT?!!!?!?!?" I, ..uh, ....er, .I, .....I, just adore you, honey.... and she said "Oh....... I thought you said I just ENDURE you." Needless to say, my delicate male ego took a severe beating today... ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 22:43:37 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: (fwd) Name Game - High School Reunion Message-ID: <348082b2.429881455@mail.clark.net> On Sat, 08 Nov 1997 12:06:48 GMT, in rec.humor jimjr@pipeline.com (Jim Moore Jr) wrote: Some of us have been to High School Reunions and I'm sure some have also served on the "committees" too. Well, I offered to help out and found an awful lot of people on my list to be contacted who were really the "also rans" of the class. You know the type, they were never allowed to sit at the "in" lunch tables. Well, this one girl, named Giselle, was by far and away the oddest character in the class. I called and asked if this was Miss Giselle Warbeschek Pifflestock. She replied, "Yes ... ?" I said, "This is Jimmy Moore from Milford Mill, Class of 1959." "WHO ?" "Jimmy Moore Giselle, don't you remember me ?" "No. I don't believe I do." "Oh. I'm sorry, I must have gotten the wrong Giselle Warbeschek Pifflestock." "Yes. I believe you have." [click] = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = If you like 50's style "Locker Rumor Humor", please check out http://www.mindspring.com/~vibes/jimmy.htm Over 2,500 jokes on 500 pages in 15 categories ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 22:43:38 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: new baby Message-ID: <3481837e.430085726@mail.clark.net> On Sat, 8 Nov 1997 18:03:22 -0000, in rec.humor "Edward Basson" wrote: A man arrives at the hospital a couple of hours after his wife has given birth. A doctor stops him and says, "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're baby is not normal. follow me and I'll show you your child." They walk down a long corridor and then come to a window looking into a room. Inside the room is a baby with both arms missing. "Oh my God," says the new father, "is that my baby?" "No no," says the doctor, "it's much worse than that." They walk on and come to a second window looking into a room. Inside is a baby with both arms and both legs missing. "Oh my God," says the new father, "is that my baby?" "No no," says the doctor, "I'm afraid it's much worse than that." They walk on and come to a third window looking into a room. Inside is a baby with no arms, no legs and no body. There is just a head lying on a pillow. "Oh my God!" says the horrified father, "that's not my baby is it?" "No no," says the doctor, "it's even worse than that." They walk on and come to a fourth window looking into a room. Inside, lying on a pillow, is just a pair of eyes looking left and right. "Oh my God," says the new father, "is that my baby?" "Yes," says the doctor, "this is your baby. But I'm afraid I have bad news. He's blind." -- Eddie Basson (EddieBasson@msn.com) ------------------------------ End of INTERNUTS Digest V01 Issue #37 *************************************