INTERNUTS Digest Wed, 12 Nov 1997 Volume 01 : Issue 38 Today's Topics: Irony (fwd) Re: New email "virus" sighting brakes and hills Find a marriage-minded penpal in Russia free. Myers-Briggs Type Prayers A Seminary inscription ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 19:46:46 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Irony Message-ID: <3480b5e5.508536785@mail.clark.net> On Tue, 11 Nov 1997 04:47:22 GMT, in rec.humor joke@{remove}cheerful.com (Jolly) wrote: The story of Alan Simpson, a U.S airman during World War II In 1942, he was shot down off the coast of Sicily. He was captured and spent three years in a German prisoner-of-war camp, where he was "stared, tortured, and tossed in isolation for months at a time." According to his daughter Catherine, "He always hated the Germans for what they did to him." Final Irony: In 1989, the 67 year old Simpson went to London, England, for a reunion with his POW buddies. As he was crossing the road on his way to the meeting place, he was run down by a bus... filled with West greman tourisits. "It took fourty years, but they finally got him," his daughter was quoted as saying. "He took all the punishment they could dish out during World War II, but now they've nailed himn with a bus." Zul joke@cheerful.com If you enjoyed this post then check out the huge humor archive: Jokes For the Jolly http://jolly.base.org http://www.cyberhighway.net/~transnet/humor.htm ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 20:02:42 GMT From: jKschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: (fwd) Re: New email "virus" sighting Message-ID: <34708a29.497339129@mail.clark.net> On Mon, 10 Nov 1997 14:12:03 -0700, in alt.folklore.urban Helge Moulding wrote: Tom Harrington wrote: > Barry Traylor (bst@trsvr.tr.unisys.com) wrote: > : Ulric Eriksson wrote in article > : > ;-) [...] ;-) > : [don't *do* that!] > You seem to be having cross-posting problems. Better check your > "Newsgroups:" line. That's right, another case of the neverending cultural impass between afc and afu. This has gotten particularly nasty of late, as afu denizens have been sneaking into afc, and posting "un-emoticons". Unemoticon Translation Barry Traylor wrote -- ":-)" You seem to be having line noise problems -- ";-)" Important news about the new Fortran standard -- ":-))" Bill Gates has made a lot more money than me -- ":-(" Good Times -- ":-o" -- Helge "Contributing to intercultural understanding" Moulding mailto:hsm@slc.unisys.com Just another guy http://www.geocities.com/Athens/1401 with a weird name ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 20:02:44 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: brakes and hills Message-ID: <34718b34.497606470@mail.clark.net> On 8 Nov 1997 22:31:23 GMT, in alt.folklore.urban walker@dnvn.com wrote: : > Bruce Tindall wrote in message <63so95$685@panix3.panix.com>... > >In article <63r4uj$6fk@panix.com>, Lee Rudolph wrote: > >>ObUL: The highest point in New Orleans is the product of government > >>make-work. > > > >I know this is probably a reference to some other thread I haven't read > >rather than a real ObUL, but here goes anyway: There is an artificial > >hill (maybe 10 feet above the surrounding terrain) in a playground (IIRC) > >in Audubon Park which, I was told (motto!), was constructed so that > >New Orlenans children could experience climbing up and rolling down a hill. I used to live across the street from an old lady who had been moved there from Louisiana by her son who lived a mile or so away. On three occasions her car rolled out of her carport across the street and into our yard -- once while the house was being built and a neighbor barely got to the brake in time to save the house from being smashed -- twice after the rockery was in and the car ended up impaled on the rockery leaking oil into our flowers. Her explanation for not setting the hand brake was 'well, ah was jus parkin in the dravwaay -- it wasn't a mergency, so ah din set the mergency brake.' The concept of hill was not part of her driving memory at all. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 20:02:46 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Find a marriage-minded penpal in Russia free. Message-ID: <347eb336.507849766@mail.clark.net> On Tue, 11 Nov 1997 15:54:40 +0200, in rec.humor "Dmitry V. Parakhin" wrote: The One... wrote: > That's all I need is another WIFE!!!! It's hard to deal with that > > nasty Italian I'm married to already! She made me clean my garage > > yesterday. I already cleaned it once 4 years ago. I have no idea > > what she was all worked up about? > > > > BWB > > hahaha thats too funny... listen man... You DEFINATELY want to miss > out > on this russian wife opportunity. They are all bitches. ++++++++++++++++++++++++& YOU! Big BEACH!!! Too!!! Fuck you! Old pedofil! impotento!!! Goat! The monster! Whether you know! A goat! That in Russian and Ukraine it is more rich, than at you at home! And if it is necessary! And money? Can adhere them to the sexual body, CAN it (penis) FROM IT STAND WILL BE? SIMPLY WOULD WRITE, THAT you CAN NOT SATISFY SEXUAL DESIRE of the Russian WOMAN! AN OLD GOAT! Large hi! To old pedofil! Chao! > Besides, they > are only interested in getting the hell out of a crime infested and > economically demolished country. > > better and arab, like mine than a russkie. hehe Old! fuck you & only you ! > Good luck and have fun ________________________________________________________ Dmitry Ivanov - sales manager " Ukrainian Auto Home" dealer Mercedes, BMW in Ukraine ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 20:02:47 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: Myers-Briggs Type Prayers Message-ID: <347fb4aa.508221421@mail.clark.net> If you're curious about Myers-Briggs types, check out http://www.keirsey.com. On Mon, 10 Nov 1997 14:04:32 -0500, in rec.humor "THE BIG PIG" wrote: ^..^ --(:)OINK! __||__(oo)___||___ --||---"--"-----||--- __||_( __ )___||___ Received the following from Poor Innocent Guy Asa of Montgomery, Alabama: MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE PRAYERS ISTJ Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 11:41.23 am e.s.t. ISTP God help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive. ESTP God help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault. ESTJ God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, just ask. ISFJ Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right. ISFP: Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if you don't mind my asking). ESFP: God help me to take things more seriously, especially parties and dancing. ESFJ: God give me patience, and I mean right NOW! INFJ: Lord help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?) INFP: God, help me to finish everything I sta ENFP: God, help me to keep my mind on one th -- Look a bird -- ing at a time. ENFJ: God help me to do only what I can and trust you for the rest. Do you mind putting that in writing? INTJ: Lord keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be. INTP: Lord help me be less independent, but let me do it my way. ENTP: Lord help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes. ENTJ: Lord, help me slow downandnotrushthroughwatIdo. Amen. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 20:02:47 GMT From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) To: lnuts Subject: A Seminary inscription Message-ID: <3481b70c.508831364@mail.clark.net> On Tue, 11 Nov 1997 11:07:59 -1000, in rec.humor Rowland Croucher wrote: The following may be apocryphal --- it's just TOO appropriate --- so I'll suppress names. Reputed, at a Roman Catholic seminary, at least in the 50s and 60s, the refectory (dining hall) had an inscription above the entrance. At first glance it appears completely innocuous --- "He knows the faith", something that might appear on a miscellaneous bishop's coat of arms. The phrase, however, was written in Latin: Fidem scit. Non-Jesuit seminaries in the United States used Italianate pronounciation for Latin. This involves European vowels (so that, for instance, Fidem comes to something like "feed'em", with the accent and unaccented final syllable); it also involves converting "sc" before an e or an i into an "sh" sound (in English usage). The resulting phonetic result is left as an exercise for the reader --- but is something that the adolescent mind would find appropriate for mass-produced food. --- Tim Rolfe rolfe@alpha.dsu.edu http://www.dsu.edu/~rolfe/ ------------------------------ End of INTERNUTS Digest V01 Issue #38 *************************************